Joy Let Loose

October 16, 2018

How to Stay Present When All You Want to Do is Run and Hide

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How to Stay Present

What does it mean to stay present? Is it always possible? Because sometimes life seems to hit you unprepared. It comes crashing in with surprise and chaos, and yells that you are not in control. And you do what you can to tread water and grasp into the dark for a life preserver, but everyone else around you just lives like normal. Even those who know what you are experiencing and see you drowning still sit in their boats and paddle on. And everything inside you wants to just run away. Or dive down deep and hide.

How to stay present when all you want to do is

run & hide

I write a blog about joy. If you’ve spent any time here, you know that’s not because joy comes naturally to me, necessarily. It’s because I need to cultivate it. I need to work at choosing it. I actually need to remind myself sometimes that joy even exists – it’s real, and it can be mine.

Sidenote: I have a snapshot memory of Phys. Ed in fourth grade. Somehow, the inner voice in me convinced me that I needed to convince other people that I could have fun too. I could be fun like the other kids. Where do those thoughts arise in a fourth grader? Did I already realize I had a tendency to be melancholy? So I jumped higher, threw further, and laughed louder than the others, just so you’d all know I was having fun… (rolls eyes about this now).

Choices

So, if even in the everyday-ness of life I have to make choices to cultivate my  joy, what in the name of time am I supposed to do when life gets stupid? Or painful? Or downright traumatic? Paste on a fake smile and push through it? Or just run away and hide?

I’d like to, but no.  I need to stay present. To open my eyes to the places where God’s  joy can actually be my strength. 

Another sidenote: It seems to me as I grow in my faith that many of the cheesy things Christians offer as bandaids in difficult situations are actually… true. Yes, you may literally want to punch someone when they offer you a trite phrase, and it may not actually help at all in the moment. BUT, sometimes, that phrase will echo through your mind again and again and you’ll eventually believe it and lean into it. Phrases like:

  • God will bring beauty out of these ashes…
  • Remember, you never walk alone…
  • Where you are weak, God is very strong…

Because those are all true. But when you are in the midst of a crisis, they don’t necessarily seem to be true immediately. When your emotions are running high, and doubt is threatening to swallow you whole, they are honestly the last thing you want to hear. (End sidenote.)

Stay Present

Our family has been facing very difficult things for the past six months. That’s why this blog has gotten quiet. I didn’t have the capacity to walk through what we were walking through, continue my role as a Worship Pastor, and somehow dig deep enough to write here. So I just got quiet. Week after week, quiet. Because it was taking every last ounce of energy not to run and hide from what we were facing. It took all I had to stay present. Forgive people for their unhelpful, trite answers, and really stay present. 

Most of our difficulty has been wrapped up with some of our children. A harmful relationship initiated areas of pain and fear in one, and tried to convince us all of hopelessness. A season of darkness led us to dig deep for truth and at one point search the streets for a runaway. It culminated in a courtroom, where we had to face someone who had caused great pain.

A challenging decision by another has put us on a path of learning and grace like we haven’t known before. It has caused us to pray differently while grieving, to love differently while pursuing truth, and to ask the Lord how we are to walk as Christ did. And He, of course, has been faithful. But this is painful, stretching ground.

My children mean the world to me and I love them fiercely. And though you may wish I would give more details, I will not infringe on their privacy in this forum. I appreciate your care for their hearts, their wounds, and their growing confidence.

Trauma Unearths Stuff

Trauma reveals weaknesses and strengths. It highlights defaults, which aren’t always pretty. In fact, I’ve had numerous conversations with trauma victims where they reflected, “I always thought that if I faced [traumatic circumstance] I’d respond by [expected response].” But very often, our responses surprise us. Trauma can also teach what fears we have, whether realistic or otherwise. And it unearths our most valuable confidantes, prayer warriors, and friendships. We especially want to know which ones will help us stay present.

Our double-dose of grief came wrapped up in shock and disbelief. And it bid us with the temptation to despair, and even to run away from it all. We had to fight to stay present and vulnerable when it would have been easier to hide. But there are things I learned in six months of darkness that may help you stay present too, should you face unsuspecting grief in your life that tempts you to turn inward.

This Life is Worth Living

Key Revelation: This life is, in fact, worth living.  God has gifted us with the incomparable opportunity to live a vibrant life in the here and now. But a vibrant life doesn’t necessarily mean a trouble-free one. You may have read before that “suffering leads to perseverance, perseverance to character, and character to hope which will never put us to shame.” (Romans 5:3-5a). Vibrancy looks different under different circumstances. But a vibrant life is ours to live in every single one. So what do I mean when I say “living”, and relate that to walking through difficulty? What does it mean to “live”, as opposed to running away to hide?

“Living” means being honest about struggle and asking for help

To be  alive is to make movement, to take steps, to press in. It is the opposite of rolling over to die – to allow defeat, to take what comes, to come to a standstill. Every time we face difficulty head-on, and bravely make movement, take steps, and press in, we fight for life. We subversively oppose paralysis by being open and asking others for help Share on X. Of course, this necessitates good discernment to know who can best help us. But when we have spent time building strong relationships, God will quickly reveal to us those who can, and will, help.

It is very vulnerable to ask for help. For us, with the kinds of issues we were facing with our kids, our openness could only be with people of impeccable integrity, empathetic hearts, and an active faith. We needed prayer support like at no other time in our lives. We were in need of people who would not reject our children, but who would lean in and love them with us. These situations made us desperate for people who would recognize these pivotal moments in our kids’ lives were opportunities for incredible victory, and not pits of despair. We prayed, God revealed, we opened up, and we received help, counsel, and shoulders to cry on. We gleaned wisdom, and found a few champions who would hold us up to be brave.

Opening up to people and being vulnerable about our needs breathed energy into us and propelled us forward. It helped us lean into life when death and defeat were beckoning. It helped us to stay present, even in the most distasteful of moments.

“Living” also means being gracious with the truth & open to explore the unknown

Much of our last 6 months has been the painful deconstruction of lies and the unearthing of truth. Not only that, though, but it has been the often uncomfortable re-examination of what Scripture says about certain things. It has caused us to honestly uncover whether we believe what we do simply because we were taught to, or because it is what we truly see Scripture to say. This has  formed us. It has made us become more comfortable moving in to unfamiliar territory. And is has also solidified our faith.

There was a point in our trauma and grief where we were incredibly discouraged by lies. It felt as though we couldn’t even lift our heads; that we were being swallowed up, and losing to deceit. But in a moment of  pure grace from our Good Father, my husband was reminded that when things were hidden in darkness, we were on losing ground. But as soon as lies were revealed, as soon as things moved out of the dark and into the light, we  won the victory. Truth reigns and darkness is defeated. This moment of revelation and grace emboldened us to claim triumph, even when we could still not see the “win” in real life. We began to walk as victors.

As we bravely claimed victory with one, we were also graced with confidence to pursue unseen victory with the other. And this truly is living grace. Because it has taken us places we’ve really never been. It’s caused us to question things we’ve not questioned before. It’s made us realize biases we didn’t know we had. And it’s given us incomparable peace to speak truth even in very difficult conversations. This is living. This is how we stay present.

“Living” means allowing every part of your life to reflect and glorify Jesus

The Apostle Paul wrote that “whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” (1 Cor. 10:31b) My husband often says that we don’t get to choose our circumstances, but we do have a choice how we will walk through them. We have reminded ourselves and one another, as well as our children and our friends that we have the opportunity to honor and reflect Christ with our responses. We could curse Him and die, as Job’s wife encouraged him to do, or we can painstakingly pursue Him, honoring Him in our thoughts, words, and actions. Then we will truly “live.”

Oh how I want to live and leave a legacy of honor. No matter the hardship, trauma, or disappointment, I want to be the kind of person that leans into life. I want to stay present even when all I really want to do is run and hide. This is what it means to  let joy loose. I hope this post helps you pursue the same.

Elizabeth Joy

 

 

Posted in: Family, Journey
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April 2, 2018

REVIEW Unforced Rhythms: Why Daily Devotions Aren’t for All of Us

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Today I’m excited to review  Unforced Rhythms: Why Daily Devotions Aren’t for All of Us by Gwen Jackson. In a nutshell, she nailed it. 

Read this book.

 

But perhaps you’d like to hear a little more about why I would recommend it so highly.

 I have spent much of my life battling the feeling that I don’t quite fit in. In each and every group I have been part, I have seen incongruence between myself and everybody else. From my earliest memories, I had a foreboding sense that I was different. Oh, the contexts changed, yes, and with them, my awareness of what was different about me.

Well, Gwen Jackson wrote very clearly of one of these contexts where I had felt different for a long time: how, as a Christian, to engage with God. She spells it out clearly: there is no one cut-and-dried pattern of nurturing relationship with God.

Quiet time

Take me back 19 years to the point in my life where I surrendered myself to the Lord. All of a sudden, I was a new believer. And I had many well-meaning people around me urging me that the life of all believers includes “quiet time” with the Lord. Preferably in the dark hours of the morning. Always with a Bible and heartfelt prayer, and eternal eagerness to grow. Ideally with a journal at hand to capture all the amazingly powerful things to be discovered each and every time.

It didn’t take too long to discover how forced this felt for me.

Fast forward several years, and I finally seemed to find a rhythm. I found a season and a stride where I discovered closeness with the Lord. It wasn’t structured necessarily, no neat verses and choruses, but it was rich. Because it wasn’t always the same.  Sometimes it was out under the open sky; other times in the quiet of a sleeping house. Sometimes it was in the tune I was making on my keys, and other times in the chaotic noise and laughter of a crowd around my table.

And sometimes it did involve a quiet morning moment, the bible, a journal and prayer. And it was all good. Even if I didn’t meet the Lord every morning at the same time, same place, He and I were okay with that – I was still meeting Him in a way that matched my internal rhythms.

A Provocative Tagline

I sat with Gwen at a retreat in the mountains of Haiti last May when she was wrestling with the tagline for her new book. Some had suggested that her idea might seem a little too provocative, or controversial. But I’m glad she stuck with it. Because “Why Daily Devotions Aren’t for All of Us,” is the crux of this book. Even before I read it, I knew I’d want to review Unforced Rhythms when it was released.

I recently caught up with this author again and asked her a few questions.

From the Author
  • Elizabeth: Who should read this book?
  • Gwen : Anybody who is struck by the subtitle, “Why Daily Devotions Aren’t for All of Us”, will want to read Unforced Rhythms. It’s a liberating read, especially for those who have struggled with daily devotions like I did. But, those who find daily devotions meaningful will also find the book interesting. They will realize not everybody fits into the same spiritual formation box as those who love a daily routine. Just like personality differences, people beat to a different life rhythm. The book appeals to young adults and seniors alike.
  • Elizabeth: Why should believers read Unforced Rhythms and how might the book impact their journey of joy?
  • Gwen: Unforced Rhythms gives permission to believers to connect with God in the freedom of their own natural Life Rhythm. For too long, believers have been confined to morning and/or evening devotions, believing that having daily devotions was a measurement of Christian maturity. Certainly, spending time with God, in the Word, and in prayer, are important elements to spiritual growth and life change, but the daily part can feel legalistic, defeating, and tedious. Many non-daily people feel like they’re going through the motions or checking off a duty on their spiritual to-do list. Readers will find themselves identifying with one of the three Life Rhythms described in the book. Once they discover their unique Life Rhythm, they will be free to connect with God without the guilt and condemnation that often plagues believers.
Recommended!
I’m so thankful that Gwen was brave enough to write from her own wrestling, and that I was able to review Unforced Rhythms. She has helped me to find confidence in my own Life Rhythm as a seasonal person. This not only frees me from discouragement that my relationship with the Lord doesn’t necessarily look the same as someone else’s, it also inspires me to experience the Lord in new ways.
It is always so helpful to be able to hear of someone else’s similar journey. I happily recommend this book to you whether you’ve known Jesus for a long time, or you’ve just met. I recommend it whether you are eighteen or eighty. Because I believe you will find it a compelling, unique, and liberating voice in your spiritual formation.
Review Unforced Rhythms

“God meant time with him to be a joy-filled journey, not a list of rules to follow. Find freedom, peace, and joy in
the “unforced rhythms of his grace.”  – Gwen Jackson
Previous Book Review: The Joy Model, by Jeff Spadafora
Elizabeth Joy
Posted in: Soul care
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March 1, 2018

How to Choose Joy Today and Stand Up in the Fire

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As I sit and wait for my son to complete his state testing this afternoon, I’m pondering how to choose joy today, and stand up in the fire. Because this has been a challenging season for our family as we have been walking with our kids through some of the growing pains of developing an adult faith. 

Sometimes days are difficult and conversations are hard. And other days are encouraging and conversations show fruit. But everyday our goal is the same: more than anything in the world, we desire that our children know the reality that their identity is found in Christ alone.

So today I choose  joy.

Choose Joy Today

(Sidenote: I’m wearing this pendant as I write. It’s a very helpful reminder.)

Choose Joy Pendant – The Faithful Merchant

  • To choose joy is not to be naive and pretend that struggles don’t exist.
  • To choose joy is not to play happy all the time.
  • To choose joy is not to hide from challenging circumstances or decisions.
  • To choose joy is not to roll over and allow defeat.
  • To choose joy today I stand on the truth that the joy of the Lord will be my strength.

And beyond that, I choose to raise a banner over our kids’ heads and declare that the joy of the Lord will be their strength as well, all the way to victory. Because He has rescued them from the domain of darkness, and transferred them to the kingdom of His beloved Son. (Colossians 1:13)

No matter the hurdles they face, no matter the lies they hear and believe, no matter the defeating statements they rehearse, the enemy has been defeated! The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil. (1 John 3:8b)

Battle Armor

Today as a parent, I am wearing battle armor. And God’s joy is strengthening me to declare these things: 

Download the printable here!

Stand Up in the Fire

I love how God works. Because in the middle of a tricky season for me, He whispered reminders: He’s got our kids. His eye is on them. He calls them by name. And this week His reminder came through my own words. An article I wrote almost a year ago was published just yesterday with Annesley Writers. It chronicles a huge revelation I received through my daughter.

I read it and I heard my inner voice calling me to trust Him further. For I can stand up in the fire, and so can my children. So if you’d like to hear what it’s like to choose joy from another vantage point, head on over to Annesley to read “Stand Up in the Fire.” 

Stand Up in the Fire – Annesley Writers

My prayers are with you and your families today. Prayers that you will choose joy today and stand up in the fire.

Elizabeth Joy

Posted in: Family, Journey
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February 3, 2018

Finding Joy in the Unexpected by Thinking Outside the Box

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I’ve been looking for it all year, but I seem lately to be finding  joy in the unexpected by thinking outside the box. When I first started to write for Joy Let Loose, I think I tethered it to something I believed it ought to be. I’m a believer in Jesus, and I believe our joy is found in God. And I wanted everything I wrote to be a proof text of that.

God = Joy, so I thought that  Joy Let Loose must be very specifically tied to Scriptural truth in the form of passages, devotions, prayers etc. I have loved every piece I have written here for you over the last year, and all of these things are GOOD.

Finding Joy in the Unexpected

But God has been nudging at me to open my peripheral vision a bit. I think He’s inviting me to pull my head out of the pages just a little, and to get outside of my mind a bit. I think He is asking me to unwrap the gift of joy that He shares through the tangible world around me, in people, laughter, health, and beauty.

 

And I’m wrestling with this. In fact, I’ve resisted publishing anything on Joy Let Loose for several weeks because I’m finding joy in the unexpected, and I don’t know how to tell you about it.

Please Pray?

So, dear readers, would you please pray? I want to respond well to the Lord, and continue finding  joy in the unexpected by looking outside the box. I might be writing about some different kinds of things in the future. But it will be amidst the same kinds of pieces I’ve been writing all along. And this may seem bigger to me than it will for you, but I still would love your prayers moving forward.

Where are you finding  joy these days?

Elizabeth Joy

 

Posted in: Joy sightings, Soul care
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January 5, 2018

How to Expand Our Borders in 2018: Open Our Arms Up Wide

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My husband and I have known for many years that God was calling us to enlarge our tent and expand our borders. 

Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities. (Isaiah 54:2-3)

The Rearview Mirror

We married at ages 22 and 26, and almost as soon as I became a wife, I became a Christian, and then a mother. We had our (fabulous!) children in years 2, 4, and 6 of our marriage. We started child sponsorship with Compassion right away, one per child. My mother-heart wanted to keep growing, and at that point, we fully expected to have more kiddos. 

But then we didn’t.

By this time we had moved a few times for our ministry roles, and settled in to one of the most challenging and rewarding seasons of our life and ministry in northern Maine. This was right after our littlest had her first birthday.

(Look at all that cuteness! How could we not want more??)

But the next 6 years rocked and forever changed us. 

Boundary Lines

The boundary lines of our lives were growing wider and our tent was being stretched further, but somehow I couldn’t see it. God wasn’t working how I expected Him to. 

We began to explore what it meant for our family to expand our borders. If it didn’t mean more biological children, then it must mean adoption, right? A quick look into international adoption showed us that our immigration status at the time disqualified us. After all, we had recently entered a different country for my husband’s work. A quick perusal of domestic adoption looked like it held potential, but that door soon shut too.

I was confused and discouraged. Why did I have a desire to expand our family borders if in reality we wouldn’t be able to bring others into it?

Pure and Undefiled Religion

At about the same time, God was pressing in on us what worship looks like:

Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world. (James 1:27)

With this passage, God was igniting our hearts for orphans and widows even though no adoption doors were opening. We studied it, prayed it, and even wrote a song, “Undefiled Worship”, for our congregation. Then all of a sudden, two of the teens in our youth group were effectively abandoned by their family. Surely this was what God was preparing us for! We invited them into our home.

And they turned us down.

God’s Ways are Higher than Ours

We just couldn’t understand why we felt such a burden to enlarge our tents if God didn’t intend to increase our family borders. I confess I was ready to give up on God’s plans for us in this regard. And instead, we just threw ourselves into our ministries, and started filling our empty bedrooms with interns and missionaries. If God didn’t want to expand our borders, then we would.

But His ways are higher than ours. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. (Is 55:9)

Little did I realize, this was part of His plan all along.

We began what became a years-long arrangement to provide housing for students interning for ministry. And over time, several stayed with us for one year, two years, our home then becoming their home-base when back from the field.  

And what started as a favor to a University we supported became a deeply rewarding facet of our family’s life. 

We couldn’t have predicted how our hearts would enlarge to love these young adults.

 

 

We could not have expected our children to embrace an older “sister” and “brother” in this way. Our borders had expanded indeed.

 

 

Nothing is Up to “Chance”

Then a “chance” meeting with a couple from our church kindled the flame for enlarged borders even more. Even though we barely knew them, they came to our house to share with us her story of adoption. She had placed a child up for open adoption while in her late teens, and had been able to have an active role in his life as he had grown. We couldn’t have known that our “chance” meeting to hear about adoption was another part of our own border expansion. Because it was going to look so different than we could have predicted.

We began to grow closer to this couple, and to do ministry together. We celebrated the birth of their second son with them not long afterward.

And then tragedy struck in the form of a wintery accident, and we had a widow with two tiny boys to love.

Expand Our Borders

Nothing really prepares you for caring for widows and orphans. We just knew we were called to it. God had been whispering to us about it for months…years. And since caring for a young widow in her primary season of bewilderment and grief opens up so many opportunities for withdrawal, misunderstanding, and exhaustion, it is tempting to retreat. But God beckoned us into it, and she welcomed “family”.

We didn’t really know what we were doing, other than loving her and her boys. So we simply made our home their home whenever needed, and tried to listen more than we spoke. We made meals together, changed diapers, cried, and continually offered ourselves to the Lord to be used in their lives. Birthdays, holidays, and regular days were all shared. Our children became like siblings.

Days became weeks, and weeks became months, and months became years. And “Mondays” continued to be a constant for our families to be together.

She emerged from her grief a woman of strength and grace, and her boys triumphed as vivacious and strong bundles of energy and character. And their family ministered to ours over these years every bit as much as we did theirs. Our lives are exponentially richer for this season. 

We could not have predicted how God would expand our borders when He began calling. And we would not change this season for the world.

And Now…

It is ten years since that tragic phone call, and both of our families have moved away from each other. Our hearts remain intertwined, our family borders blurred. 

And God is calling us to enlarge our tent even more.

I no longer have a preconceived idea of what that might look like. For us it wasn’t  having another child or being able to adopt one. Enlarging our tent has looked like:

  • One-on-one discipleship
  • Supporting Compassion children
  • Hosting people without family over the Christmas holidays
  • Bringing large groups of students in our home for meals and games
  • Loving our kiddos’ friends and bringing them on vacation with us
  • Sharing our faith
  • Hosting a life group
  • Friends-giving
  • Offering our vehicle for others to use
  • Grieving with those who grieve
  • Celebrating with those who celebrate
  • And reaching out to others for help and prayer when we’ve needed it most.

It has looked so different than I could ever have imagined.

For 2018

At this point, I simply open my hands to receive whatever might come our way. In these early hours of 2018, my prayer is that God would help me to continue to open my arms up wide. I pray He would expand our borders in whatever way brings Him most glory.

Our family's chief purpose is to let Jesus' joy loose. Share on X

We will set extra places at our table, make extra beds, or walk with people through seasons of grief. We will have hard conversations, depend on the Lord to fill us with love, and hold people to accountability. 

And we believe that as we expand our borders in this way, we will spread out to the right and left, and our joy will be let loose in the desolate corners of the world.

Amen – may this be so.

Elizabeth Joy

 

 

 

Posted in: Family, Worship
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