Category: Emotional Wellness

What does it mean to stay present? Is it always possible? Because sometimes life seems to hit you unprepared. It comes crashing in with surprise and chaos, and yells that you are not in control. And you do what you can to tread water and grasp into the dark for a life preserver, but everyone else around you just lives like normal. Even those who know what you are experiencing and see you drowning still sit in their boats and paddle on. And everything inside you wants to just run away. Or dive down deep and hide.

How to stay present when all you want to do is

run & hide

I write a blog about joy. If you’ve spent any time here, you know that’s not because joy comes naturally to me, necessarily. It’s because I need to cultivate it. I need to work at choosing it. I actually need to remind myself sometimes that joy even exists – it’s real, and it can be mine.

Sidenote: I have a snapshot memory of Phys. Ed in fourth grade. Somehow, the inner voice in me convinced me that I needed to convince other people that I could have fun too. I could be fun like the other kids. Where do those thoughts arise in a fourth grader? Did I already realize I had a tendency to be melancholy? So I jumped higher, threw further, and laughed louder than the others, just so you’d all know I was having fun… (rolls eyes about this now).

Choices

So, if even in the everyday-ness of life I have to make choices to cultivate my  joy, what in the name of time am I supposed to do when life gets stupid? Or painful? Or downright traumatic? Paste on a fake smile and push through it? Or just run away and hide?

I’d like to, but no.  I need to stay present. To open my eyes to the places where God’s joy can actually be my strength. 

Another sidenote: It seems to me as I grow in my faith that many of the cheesy things Christians offer as band-aids in difficult situations are actually… true. Yes, you may literally want to punch someone when they offer you a trite phrase, and it may not actually help at all in the moment. BUT, sometimes, that phrase will echo through your mind again and again, and you’ll eventually believe it and lean into it. Phrases like:

• God will bring beauty out of these ashes…
• Remember, you never walk alone…
• Where you are weak, God is very strong…

Because those are all true. But when you are in the midst of a crisis, they don’t necessarily seem to be true immediately. When your emotions are running high, and doubt is threatening to swallow you whole, they are honestly the last thing you want to hear. (End sidenote.)

Stay Present

Our family has been facing very difficult things for the past six months. That’s why this blog has gotten quiet. I didn’t have the capacity to walk through what we were walking through, continue my role as a Worship Pastor, and somehow dig deep enough to write here. So I just got quiet. Week after week, quiet. Because it was taking every last ounce of energy not to run and hide from what we were facing. It took all I had to stay present. Forgive people for their unhelpful, trite answers, and really stay present. 

Most of our difficulty has been wrapped up with some of our children. A harmful relationship initiated areas of pain and fear in one, and tried to convince us all of hopelessness. A season of darkness led us to dig deep for truth, and at one poin,t search the streets for a runaway. It culminated in a courtroom, where we had to face someone who had caused great pain.

A challenging decision by another has put us on a path of learning and grace like we haven’t known before. It has caused us to pray differently while grieving, to love differently while pursuing truth, and to ask the Lord how we are to walk as Christ did. And He, of course, has been faithful. But this is painful, stretching ground.

My children mean the world to me and I love them fiercely. And though you may wish I would give more details, I will not infringe on their privacy in this forum. I appreciate your care for their hearts, their wounds, and their growing confidence.

Trauma Unearths Stuff

Trauma reveals weaknesses and strengths. It highlights defaults, which aren’t always pretty. In fact, I’ve had numerous conversations with trauma victims where they reflected, “I always thought that if I faced [traumatic circumstance] I’d respond by [expected response].” But very often, our responses surprise us. Trauma can also teach what fears we have, whether realistic or otherwise. And it unearths our most valuable confidantes, prayer warriors, and friendships. We especially want to know which ones will help us stay present.

Our double-dose of grief came wrapped up in shock and disbelief. And it bid us with the temptation to despair, and even to run away from it all. We had to fight to stay present and vulnerable when it would have been easier to hide. But there are things I learned in six months of darkness that may help you stay present too, should you face unsuspecting grief in your life that tempts you to turn inward.

This Life is Worth Living

Key Revelation: This life is, in fact, worth living.  God has gifted us with the incomparable opportunity to live a vibrant life in the here and now. But a vibrant life doesn’t necessarily mean a trouble-free one. You may have read before that “suffering leads to perseverance, perseverance to character, and character to hope which will never put us to shame.” (Romans 5:3-5a). Vibrancy looks different under different circumstances. But a vibrant life is ours to live in every single one. So what do I mean when I say “living”, and relate that to walking through difficulty? What does it mean to “live”, as opposed to running away to hide?

“Living” means being honest about struggle and asking for help

To be  alive is to make movement, to take steps, to press in. It is the opposite of rolling over to die – to allow defeat, to take what comes, to come to a standstill. [bctt tweet=”Every time we face difficulty head-on, and bravely make movement, take steps, and press in, we fight for life. We subversively oppose paralysis by being open and asking others for help” username=”joyletloose”]. Of course, this necessitates good discernment to know who can best help us. But when we have spent time building strong relationships, God will quickly reveal to us those who can and will help.

It is very vulnerable to ask for help. For us, with the kinds of issues we were facing with our kids, our openness could only be with people of impeccable integrity, empathetic hearts, and an active faith. We needed prayer support like at no other time in our lives. We were in need of people who would not reject our children, but who would lean in and love them with us. These situations made us desperate for people who would recognize these pivotal moments in our kids’ lives were opportunities for incredible victory, and not pits of despair. We prayed, God revealed, we opened up, and we received help, counsel, and shoulders to cry on. We gleaned wisdom and found a few champions who would hold us up to be brave.

Opening up to people and being vulnerable about our needs breathed energy into us and propelled us forward. It helped us lean into life when death and defeat were beckoning. It helped us to stay present, even in the most distasteful of moments.

“Living” also means being gracious with the truth & open to exploring the unknown

Much of our last 6 months has been the painful deconstruction of lies and the unearthing of truth. Not only that, though, but it has been the often uncomfortable re-examination of what Scripture says about certain things. It has caused us to honestly uncover whether we believe what we do simply because we were taught to, or because it is what we truly see Scripture to say. This has formed us. It has made us become more comfortable moving in to unfamiliar territory. And is has also solidified our faith.

There was a point in our trauma and grief where we were incredibly discouraged by lies. It felt as though we couldn’t even lift our heads; that we were being swallowed up, and losing to deceit. But in a moment of pure grace from our Good Father, my husband was reminded that when things were hidden in darkness, we were on losing ground. But as soon as lies were revealed, as soon as things moved out of the dark and into the light, we  won the victory. Truth reigns and darkness is defeated. This moment of revelation and grace emboldened us to claim triumph, even when we could still not see the “win” in real life. We began to walk as victors.

As we bravely claimed victory with one, we were also graced with confidence to pursue unseen victory with the other. And this truly is living grace. Because it has taken us places we’ve really never been. It’s caused us to question things we’ve not questioned before. It’s made us realize biases we didn’t know we had. And it’s given us incomparable peace to speak truth, even in very difficult conversations. This is living. This is how we stay present.

“Living” means allowing every part of your life to reflect and glorify Jesus

The Apostle Paul wrote that “whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” (1 Cor. 10:31b) My husband often says that we don’t get to choose our circumstances, but we do have a choice in how we will walk through them. We have reminded ourselves and one another, as well as our children and our friends that we have the opportunity to honor and reflect Christ with our responses. We could curse Him and die, as Job’s wife encouraged him to do, or we can painstakingly pursue Him, honoring Him in our thoughts, words, and actions. Then we will truly “live.”

Oh how I want to live and leave a legacy of honor. No matter the hardship, trauma, or disappointment, I want to be the kind of person that leans into life. I want to stay present even when all I really want to do is run and hide. This is what it means to let joy loose. I hope this post helps you pursue the same.

Elizabeth Joy

Last Monday, I had my second opportunity to lead in prayer on Facebook Live. It was the fifteenth day of  21 Days of Prayer for Waterline Church, where I am the Director of Relational Arts. You know, I absolutely loved my time leading online and experienced fantastic engagement with the people who joined me live. We talked about how to live a life that overflows with thankfulness.

Thankfulness

The theme that bookends each week of our 21 Days is  thankfulness. Therefore, we begin and end each week with gratitude. The Scripture I shared was Colossians 2:6-7.

 And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him.  Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. (Col. 2:6-7 NLT)

I love how the Message words this same passage:

My counsel for you is simple and straightforward: Just go ahead with what you’ve been given. You received Christ Jesus, the Master; now live him. You’re deeply rooted in him. You’re well constructed upon him. You know your way around the faith. Now do what you’ve been taught. School’s out; quit studying the subject and start living it! And let your living spill over into thanksgiving. (Col. 2:6-7 MSG)

#BOOM

Paul paints a clear correlation here:

Rooting + Building our lives in Christ  —>  Strong Faith + Thankfulness

I believe most of us want to be thankful people. And I think many of us want to have strong faith. But it’s hard to muster those things up. It seems they depend on our rootedness in Christ, which leads to lives built up in Him – living Jesus.

When we begin to live Jesus, to truly walk out the things we’ve learned (from the Word, from our Pastors, from our worship songs, from others’ life stories), then our faith grows, and we become thankful people.

Does that sound scary to anyone? Doesn’t walking out what we’ve learned mean stepping out before you are sure God will catch you? Isn’t that kind of like jumping out of the plane before you know for sure the parachute is going to open up?

That’s faith, my friends.

Faithfulness is one of the spiritual fruits listed by Paul in his letter to the Galatians.

Fruit

One of my sons likes to grow things.

At any given time, we could have potted plants from pineapples and cantaloupe to avocados and tomatillos in various stages of growth around our house and patio. I don’t know if any of you are gardeners, but I’ve noticed that sometimes fruit grows v-e-r-y slowly. After all, nurturing young plants requires incredible patience and diligence. And it generally helps if he keeps going back to check them, care for them, and assess their progress.

Sometimes I think our spiritual fruit grows in us so incrementally that I wonder if we even notice. And I wonder if we forget to keep track of its progress.

So, I want to help us notice fruit.

Monday evening, during prayer time for the 21 Days of Prayer our church is walking through on Facebook Live, I issued a challenge I’d like to extend here too. Instead of looking for external things to be thankful for (let’s face it, there are a TON), instead, why don’t we start to look internally for some fruit to thank God for?

Overflowing and Spilling Over

Did you notice that Paul said our thankfulness would overflow? The Message version says, “spill over.” That means it comes from the inside. And it can’t be contained.  After all, things that overflow come out from somewhere, and can’t be held in any longer.

So what’s on the inside? What’s going on inside of us that might begin to spill out thanks? 

Now, an incredibly important discipline for the joy-seeker and the one who wants to be grateful is to look for things to be thankful for. So let’s start the inward search. Let’s take inventory of our fruit – the ones that are ripe, and the ones just blossoming.

Notice Fruit and Discover Thankfulness

Download the free printable

As you take your time considering each of these spiritual fruits, allow God to direct your thoughts. Important: Recognize that our fruit doesn’t grow all at once. Often, we are in a season where God is helping us to grow just one type of fruit. Other times, several types might be growing at once, but you’ll still find it s-l-o-w.

How do you start?! Survey your day-to-day. Do you notice you reacted differently to any situations than you might have a few months ago? Think about conversations or your inner thoughts. Do you have a sense of contentment where there used to be anxiety? Do you notice you have been able to be kinder to someone difficult in your life?

Where are you changing?

Then, as you notice that you indeed have grown, even if it is just a small amount of growth, begin to celebrate that! Speak it out to the Lord. Write it in this leather notebook, or on the printable above. And tell a prayer partner or friend.

Let your living spill over into thanksgiving. 

 Live a life that overflows with thankfulness

Habits take time to form. So I invite you to keep today’s printable handy. Let it remind you to go back to the garden again and again. Assess growth, nurture, and cultivate it. And with every new leaf or new blossom, thank God – loudly! Praise Him that fruit is growing and you are living as Jesus.

Those who do overflow with thankfulness.

Elizabeth Joy

Joy is real. It’s an actual wellspring that can sustain us, strengthen us, and spill over to people around us. Joy is promised to us in Scripture, so why do so many of us feel we have lost it? What is it that comes along to steal our joy?

A primary reason is that there is an enemy that is real, whose goal is to steal our joy. His lifeblood is to steal, kill and destroy. His nature is to lie. What greater power could he have over us than to deceive us, stripping us of confidence and silencing our wellspring of joy?

Thankfully, we can identify lying thoughts, take them captive, and make them obedient to Christ. For the good of our souls, it is absolutely essential that we name the lies, and replace them with Truth.

 

At  Joy Let Loose, we passionately pursue the kind of life that explodes with joy. So we want to help identify 4 Lies that Steal Our Joy (& the Truth that Sets Us Free.) It takes practice, and often a whole lot of accountability, to recognize, name, and replace the lies. But I promise you that freedom and joy lie on the other side!

4 Lies that Steal Our Joy

(& the Truth that Sets Us Free)

 

• 
  

  Lie #1:  I am less than… 

  
  

Oh, how easy it is to look at ourselves in light of everyone else! It’s incredibly simple for the enemy to gain access to our perspective as soon as we begin to evaluate how _____ we are compared to anyone else. Have you experienced this?

                                      I’m not:

pretty enough

smart enough

thin enough

energetic enough

spiritual enough

young enough

______ enough…

It takes very little time for a comparison mindset to steal the wind from our sails and suck our joy dry. But Scripture is clear that we only need to see ourselves in light of Jesus Christ. In Romans, Paul says that if we follow Jesus, then the Holy Spirit testifies with our spirits that we are God’s children, and co-heirs with Christ. As a co-heir, we are joined with Him–adopted as God’s sons and daughters–and compared only to Him.

Truth: I Am Enough

God says that we are enough.  Psalm 139 says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. God’s gift of grace in Jesus Christ to rescue us from sin and transform us in to His likeness demonstrates pure, unrestrained love.

The next time the lie comes to your mind that you are not ____ enough, capture it. Name it as a lie. And replace it with the Truth that God sees you, chooses you, and loves you enough to call you His own son or daughter. He sees you as welcome and wonderful enough to join with Jesus.

 

• Lie #2:  I don’t have enough…

  
  

I’ve lived lots of places. Most of them have been in (North American) depressed economies. But God recently called us to minister in a very wealthy area. Feeling out of place? A little! But I’ve found that it doesn’t matter whether I live around luxury or lack, the enemy still likes to throw darts about it.

When I had to rely on WIC to afford milk for our kids, I thought, “I don’t have enough.” When we struggled to pay for car repairs or to fill the tank, “I don’t have enough.” When our oil bill exceeded our mortgage payment…same thoughts.

But in those seasons of scarcity, God proved again and again that He is enough. His repeated, miraculous provision through the hands of the generous showed me that, in fact, I had so much that I could overflow it to others. When bank statements made no sense, still there was just enough for us not to sink. When we were not sure how we would make it to another pay-check, bags of groceries and plentiful harvest would be waiting on our porch. 

Recently, we bought a house. The house-hunting process in a wealthy area proved to be a tempting place to begin to say, “I don’t have enough..” But I’ve learned not to pine after what I can’t have, and to be content with what is possible. And high in the mountains of Haiti, I was reminded again that He is enough. And not only do I have enough, but I also have enough for others too. I will not be defeated by a poverty mindset. My God provides.

Truth: My God Provides

So whether you are in a season of luxury or one of lack, be wary of your thoughts. Gratitude and contentment are always possible as we lean into the Lord’s provision. Challenge the lie that you don’t have enough with the truth that He will provide for all of your needs in Christ Jesus.

 

Lie #3:  My circumstance Means no joy…

Let’s face it: life is plain hard. Many of us struggle against realities we never dreamed possible, and navigate circumstances that seem too much to bear. Energy gets zapped, hope seems lost, and a joyful perspective seems impossible to find again. But our joy is not dependent on circumstances alone. In fact, it is dependent on our God.

In a previous post, I quoted Dallis Willard who said that joy is “not pleasure, a mere sensation, but a pervasive and constant sense of wellbeing. It claims our entire body and soul, both the physical and the non-physical side of the human self.”(1)  Abiding joy is what causes the widow to turn toward God for solace, and makes the cancer patient intent on leaning in to each remaining moment. 

Truth: Joy Disregards Circumstances

Our circumstances might dampen our feelings of happiness, but the wellbeing that is found in Jesus will not be shaken.  Joy remains. We must peer through the fog to remember it and lean on its strength. When Isaiah prophesied in Chapter 52 that deliverance was coming, he instructed the Israelites to lean in to the promise of salvation, and to take off chains and shout for joy, even as they waited. They weren’t to hold out for rescue before they rejoiced about it.  

Joy disregards circumstances. And our disciplined rejoicing in faith can yield the fruit of abundant joy. So the next time your life circumstances threaten your well-being, and the enemy whispers to you that your joy is lost, refuse to believe it. Claim the truth that the joy of the Lord is your strength, and lean in to it

 

I’m just not a joyful person…

I know people whose nature is to exude happiness. Their thanksgiving is inspiring, and their energy is boundless. I know others who express joy through patience and contentment. Still others depict joy in their compassion and generosity. It takes on different forms and is not a one-size-fits-all quality.

Joy is a God-like trait, and a fruit that grows in us as we grow closer to the Lord. It becomes our very nature as we are transformed to be like Jesus. I am introverted in personality, and even-keel in temperament, so I have often thought I may not be joyful. I’ve questioned where my joy is. But Scripture shows joy in many forms: it looks like perseverance in trial, exuberance in praise, confidence and gratitude for God’s provision, and deep and abiding faith.

Truth: My Joy is Unique

So, when you are tempted to think you are not a joyful person, shake off your one-size-fits-all definition. Your joy is unique. Joy doesn’t look just one way – it is not only exuberant, chipper, and boisterous. Instead, remind yourself that joy also abides, remains steadfast, believes fully, and bears patiently. Ask the Lord to restore to you the joy of your salvation.

4 Lies That Steal Our Joy

(& the Truth that Sets Us Free)

 

Joy, my friends, grows in us as we grow in Christ. It is bold and it is active. The enemy of our souls is a thief and a deceiver., and he wants to steal our joy. So I pray today that you will see fruit in your lives from unearthing these 4 Lies that Steal Our Joy (& the Truth that Sets Us Free.)

How about you? How do you take thoughts captive and claim what is true? 

Elizabeth Joy